Why I Hate the Clippers and You Should Too.
I hate the Clippers.
I hate everything about their organization, from their racist owner to their slimey, douche nozzle beat-writer.
They are everything the Grizzlies are not: an organization built on flash, hype, and drama crowned media darlings because of their highlight reel.
There is nothing I like about them. There’s not one single redeeming quality. They’re just the latest bandwagon, sexy team who’s “fans” will hang up their 32 Griffin jerseys and abandon them the moment things start to turn.
But they shouldn’t have any fans to begin with.
Donald Sterling may be one of the most horrible human beings on the planet. Not only has he been a cheap bastard pretty much his entire tenure as owner, he literally is a misogynistic racist who hates cancer patients. Every single word of that sentence is true. Sterling forces a female assistant to find him a regular masseuse that would “let me put it in or who [will] suck on it”, told his black general manager that he wanted “a team full of poor black kids from the south”, and refused to cover prostate cancer surgery for Clippers assistant Kim Hughes a few years ago. He is one of the biggest shitheads to ever live. The world will be a better place when he dies.
Vinny del Negro is an absolute joke. He was about 7 minutes from getting fired (again) last season until Chris Paul saved his ass. He spends more time trying to scare corner shooters than doing anything resembling being an NBA coach. Even his own players want nothing to do with him.
Lamar Odom is a quitter. Seriously, the Lakers get tired of his shit, ship him to Dallas (a place that actually wants him), and he responds by getting fat and acting like bitch. Bro, you married the fat Kardashian. You are not a celebrity.
Blake Griffin. Probably the most famous blinger (does not rhyme with swinger) of all time and purely a product of a hype machine. Holy shit, a 6’10 guy that can dunk. Who gives a shit? Score a basket outside of 4 feet and I might be a little more impressed. I might be a little easier on the guy if he wasn’t soft as Charmin. Grizzlies fans caught so much shit last year when Blake went down injured and the fans cheered. Normally I am 10000% against cheering an injury but when you’re diving to the ground like an Italian soccer player every time you get bumped, maybe you deserve it. Oh and guess what…he shook off that “injury” about 2 minutes after coming off the floor. Pussy.
Deandre Jordan is such a liability his borderline mentally-challenged coach even recognizes he can’t be played down the stretch. Instead of dunking on 5’6 point guards, why don’t you try learning how the game of basketball is actually played?
I’m not going to even bother with Eric Bledsoe. He wouldn’t be able to read it anyway.
Matt Barnes? Good Lord, what a poser.
Want to know how to tell if Jamal Crawford is going to shoot? Is he holding the ball? He’s shooting. Steph Curry set an NBA record with 272 made 3’s in a season. If he had shot as many times as Crawford, he’d have made 537. **Stats may not be 100% accurate.
Grant Hill and Chauncey Billups are basically poorly reanimated corpses. Can someone please go Walking Dead on these guys, bash their heads in with a hammer, and put them out of their misery?
Caron Butler looks like the baby from Dinosaurs.
TJ Simmers is nothing but a glorified internet troll. That’s fine if you’re a message board poster/twitter all-star writing for a blog about 12 people read but this guy is supposed to be a respected journalist. So go ahead and type out some ridiculous drivel about how LA is sooooooooo much better than Memphis. And all Grizz fans are back wood idiots. Then go have another stroke.
Finally…Chris Paul. He is one of the best basketball players I have ever seen. His ball handling and court vision are unparalleled. He has the talent to be one of the best point guards to ever play the game. But he plays like a giant pussy. If the Clippers are the flop gods of the NBA (as Zach Lowe put it), then Paul is Zeus. If you tried to keep count of how many times he tried to influence an official by “embellishing contact”, you’d lose count in the 1st quarter. Paul used to be one of my favorite players. Watching him dissect a clearly superior Lakers team in the 2011 playoffs was basketball porn. But since David Stern decided he should be on the Clippers, I have lost any and all respect for him as a player. For once, can you wipe the sand out of your vagina and play basketball? Didn’t think so.